SAD.... You feel it?

Well, it’s that time of year again - time for Seasonal Affective Disorder :(

With the shorter, colder, cloudier days and the longer nights of fall and winter, some people become unaccountably depressed. I’m one of those. I find I have to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and off the couch on the weekends. During this time of year, I never feel as fully alive as I do during the warm, sunny months. For people with SAD, symptoms can start as early as September or October and last until March or even as late as April. Symptoms include depression with loss of interest in activities that usually bring pleasure, low motivation, loss of creative energy, sluggishness, still tired upon waking in the morning, cravings for carbs and sweets, loss of libido, difficulty doing mental work. BUT - there are things that can help:  #1 is get outside the minute you see a ray of sunshine! Go without sunglasses this time of year & let your eyes soak up winter light. Exercise (you knew that was coming) -especially exercise outside. Bundle up & go for a 20 minute walk. It will make a positive difference. This is one of the things that saves me this time of year. I tell myself I can quit after 5 minutes if I still want to. 99% of the time I keep going & it is an almost instant mood changer. Wrap up and eat lunch outside. Visualize a sunny place you can “visit” for a mood lift. Don’t underestimate the healing power of the imagination on our physical and emotional bodies. Sit in front of a light box for light therapy. There are several homeopathic remedies that can help lessen the symptoms of SAD, too. I’d love to talk with you and help decide which one would be a good fit. Lastly, remind yourself this is literally just a season. It will pass and the sun will come out again. In the meantime, talking with someone often helps us feel better overall. At Wildly Curative Counseling, we offer in person and Telehealth services and would love to be part of your journey.

-- Susan

Finding the right fit

Choosing the right therapist is a deeply personal journey, one that requires introspection and intentionality. That begins with finding a therapeutic partner who resonates with your unique path. Here's how to approach this vital decision:

1. Reflect on Your Intentions

Begin by tuning into your inner world. What brings you to seek therapy? Are you navigating recent trauma, coping with loss, or seeking strategies to overcome feelings of stagnation? Clarifying your intentions will guide you toward a therapist equipped to support your specific journey.

2. Seek Specialized Expertise

Therapists often focus on areas such as grief counseling, family therapy, or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Identifying a professional whose expertise aligns with your needs can enhance the effectiveness of your healing process.

3. Verify Credentials and Experience

Ensure your potential therapist holds the necessary licenses and has experience working with individuals facing similar challenges. This foundation builds trust and confidence in the therapeutic relationship.

4. Understand Their Therapeutic Approach

Therapists employ various methodologies, from solution-focused techniques to explorations of deep-seated emotional patterns. Familiarize yourself with their approach to determine if it aligns with your personal preferences and goals.

5. Trust Your Intuition

The connection between you and your therapist is paramount. During initial interactions, assess how you feel in their presence. Do you sense understanding and empathy? Feeling comfortable and safe is essential for meaningful progress.

6. Consider Practical Aspects

Logistics matter. Reflect on factors such as:

• Location: Is the therapist's office accessible, or do they offer virtual sessions that fit your lifestyle?

• Cost: Are their fees within your budget? Do they accept your insurance?

• Availability: Do their appointment times align with your schedule?

7. Explore Recommendations

Personal referrals from trusted sources can be invaluable. Additionally, some therapists may list themselves on directories as a starting point.

8. Embrace the Process

Finding the right therapist may require meeting with multiple professionals. It's a journey, and each step brings you closer to the support that best suits your path.

9. Engage in Open Dialogue

During consultations, don't hesitate to ask questions such as:

• What experience do you have with clients facing similar concerns?

• What is your therapeutic approach?

• How do you measure progress?

10. Prioritize the Therapeutic Relationship

Research consistently shows that a strong therapeutic alliance significantly contributes to positive outcomes. Choose someone with whom you feel a genuine connection and who fosters a sense of hope and empowerment.

Final Thoughts

Embarking on therapy is a courageous and empowering decision. By thoughtfully selecting a therapist who aligns with your needs and values, you're laying the groundwork for transformative healing. Remember, the right therapist is out there, ready to support you on your journey toward wholeness.

At Wildly Curative, we're here to make space for your journey, offering both in-person sessions in Baxter, TN, and worldwide Telehealth connections. Your body, heart, mind, and soul deserve your time. Let's embark on this process of discovery together.

What Is True Healing and Why It Leads to Freedom

Healing is often misunderstood as simply "getting over" something painful or difficult. But true healing is much deeper. It is the process of facing, feeling, and ultimately releasing what has held us captive—whether it's emotional wounds, past traumas, or limiting beliefs.

Healing begins when we stop avoiding our pain and instead acknowledge it with compassion. It requires honesty and courage to sit with discomfort, but in doing so, we create space for transformation. True healing doesn't mean forgetting the past but making peace with it so it no longer defines us.

This kind of inner work is essential because unresolved pain can shape our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships in ways that keep us stuck. When we heal, we reclaim our sense of self and step into emotional and spiritual freedom. Freedom to live without being controlled by fear, resentment, or self-doubt. Freedom to connect authentically with others and pursue our purpose.

Healing is not a one-time event but a journey. It unfolds layer by layer, often guided by faith, self-reflection, and supportive community. It requires patience and grace for yourself, but each step brings you closer to the life you were meant to live—whole, free, and fully present.

Willpower is overrated

It’s that time of year again when we in the counseling field begin running up against that age old statement “ I have no willpower.” In the pursuit of our goals and aspirations, we often come across the mentality to set your mind to something and it will work. It's the force that drives us to resist temptation, push through challenges, and stay committed to our objectives. Unfortunately, that very seldom work. So as an alternative let's delve into the deficits of willpower and the transformative benefits of willingness.

Willpower, often depicted as a muscle that can be strengthened through practice, is finite and easily depleted. Research suggests that exerting self-control in one area of life can lead to reduced capacity in other areas—a phenomenon known as ego depletion, no good at all. Who’s been there? After working so hard to work out for an hour every day you end up eating a pint of ice cream every night, a habit you never even had before. This limitation can leave us vulnerable to giving in to impulses and distractions, ultimately hindering our progress. Why? Willpower is developed around 2-3 years old. At the time willfulness comes into play. In fact, willpower is the strength that you have to exert your willfulness.

Willfulness is about resisting or trying to control reality. As a toddler this was the first attempt of many cyclical attempts at disconnection from your parents, a necessary step. However depending on the strength and functionality of your family unit, this may have been positive with healthy skills learned or incredibly negative and counter intuitive. Exerting that kind of negative power is incredibly destructive and can foster a mindset of resistance and rigidity. Something your conscious adult mind is likely trying to combat.

Contrastingly, willingness embodies an attitude of openness, receptivity, and acceptance towards the present moment. Rather than resisting discomfort or difficulty, willingness encourages us to embrace them as integral parts of our journey. It's about surrendering the need for control and instead cultivating a sense of curiosity and resilience. We are not two anymore. The need to disconnect has occurred. Autonomy is no longer a concept but a reality and so now it is safe to surrender the need to control into an open willingness to do whatever every situation requires.

One of the most significant benefits of willingness is its inherent sustainability. Unlike willpower, which will wane over time even in the best situations, willingness thrives on mindfulness and self-compassion. By acknowledging our limitations and embracing imperfection, we create space for growth and self-discovery. This gentle approach fosters a sense of inner harmony and fulfillment, independent of external achievements.

Moreover, willingness promotes a growth mindset, enabling us to perceive challenges as opportunities for learning and development. Rather than fixating on specific outcomes, we prioritize the process, allowing for greater creativity and innovation. By relinquishing the fear of failure and stuckness, we free ourselves to explore and expand our potential as part of the great creative mystery.

In essence, the deficits of willpower underscore the importance of cultivating willingness in our lives. By shifting our focus from resistance to receptivity, we unlock a reservoir of inner strength and resilience. Embracing willingness empowers us to navigate life's uncertainties with grace and authenticity, fostering a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose along the way.

As we strive to realize our aspirations and dreams, let us remember that true success transcends the confines of willpower. It lies in our willingness to embrace the journey, with all its twists and turns, and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate individuals.

How I'm learning to Stop Letting Mom Guilt Wreck my Life

Mom guilt. It's a thing. Pervasive, persistent, and always there to tell you what you are doing isn't good enough. To be fair, I had mom guilt before I was a mom. I bet you did too. It's just called guilt. However, before responsibility for the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of others it was pretty easy to write that off as someone else telling me what is best. Now, not so much. Or maybe it's that everyone else seems to know what's best. You too? I thought so. This is not an area that I have conquered by any stretch of the imagination. It's a place I'm learning and I bet you are learning too. So here's what's working for me.

First off, Mom guilt is in fact not actually guilt. So we've established that it's not exactly for moms and now that it is not guilt. So basically it doesn't exist, problem solved. They all laughed and lived happily ever after. If only it was that easy. We know it's not. Anyway, mom guilt is not guilt. Guilt is the feeling that comes from intentional harm to another. None of us in the history of ever are actually trying to harm our children. I don't know that I've actually ever run into a person in the course of my life who is going out of their way to harm another, just because they want to be maleficent. It's just not that simple. Humans are kinda messy and we do things for a lot of reasons, but generally, we do think we are doing the right thing when we are doing it. So it's not guilt. What I'm leaning into is considering it to be more like fear. That's what it feels like in my body and that psychologically makes more sense to me. Fear essentially tells us we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Every single time I experience mom guilt, this is what's happening. I'm at work and I should be at home. I'm chatting too long with their Dad when I should be talking with them. I'm enjoying a coffee solo. Wherever I am is not where I should be, and that is dangerous.

Herein lies the problem. Feeling danger when there is in fact no danger is a sign of emotional dysregulation. Remember a few weeks back when we talked about emotional regulation and specifically the threats at the grocery store? Here's where that comes in handy. Unfortunately, because we've slapped the label mom guilt on it, we are less likely to consider it to be an actual problem within ourselves. Instead, we have chalked it up to part of the process of growth into being a good mother. Let me be clear here, lack of emotional regulation is normal. Most of us were not taught how to handle our emotions, but it is not healthy. Furthermore, the resentment and confusion that build from this denying of our realities do so much more to destroy our parental bonds than to strengthen them. You can tell yourself stories all day about what or why you are feeling what you are, but that does not change the truth in your heart or mind. So now is the time to embrace the fear signal of danger. Are my children really unsafe? Look for external cues. Wonder what makes you feel unsafe? Am I truly destroying them by not being nearby? Perhaps it is simply the discomfort of change. Do you or I need this emotion of fear to further guide us here. Most of the time no. We can choose to let it go.

After we have moved out of the initial 20 minutes of distress that comes from mild to moderate emotional discomfort, it is time to start to re-examine what our values are. The "should-be"s have gotten us again and it's time for re-alignment. What YOU value, truly value, defines your should-be's. Unfortunately, for most of us, our should-be's are set by generational, cultural, and/or traumatic experiences that hold no real truth or value for us individually. Automatically accepting those shoulds as the truth about where or how you are to be, results in disaster. That is of course not to mention never getting where or what you want out of your life or parenting journey. So define your shoulds. What do you actually value most? What do you want the major takeaways to be out of your parenting journey? For me authenticity gets top marks, so it's okay for me to say "Hey I'd rather do something else than play Legos with you again." For you, playfulness may be at the top, so you may drop the schoolwork to shoot hoops in the driveway. Make your own rules. You'll be glad you did.

Parenting is hard enough. Let's not let emotional confusion, poor regulation, and lack of self-awareness make it any harder. This journey is a long one spanning many more than the 18 years you signed up for. The good news is that it starts over every day. We get chances to realign and redirect every hour. Are you ready to stop letting mom guilt wreck your life too? What values are you choosing to set at the top right now?

Walking the tightrope of happiness

Finding happiness in today's world can look like walking a tightrope. Pursue one path just a bit too far, plunge into unhappiness. Find your way back to center, and before you know it you’ve overcorrected, and the misery monster chomps at you again. This week we are going to cover 3 areas that are hard to find balance in; control, emotional sharing, and cultural influence. To top it off we will cover some principles that can help restore balance.

Locus of control (LOC) is a psychological concept, (big word simple meaning) that delves into the beliefs people hold about the amount and origin of control in their lives. People with an internal locus of control tend to believe that their choices, efforts, and abilities largely shape their destiny. This fosters a sense of empowerment or (on the too much side of the tightrope) over-responsibility. In contrast, individuals with an external locus of control often attribute their circumstances to external forces, luck, or fate. This can lead to a feeling of peace and stillness or helplessness and dependency. In essence, choosing to believe that everything is happening regardless of you, equals external locus of control. Whereas believing that you are to blame for each and everything that happens equates to an internal locus of control. Neither of these equates to pure contentment. Of course, there is a spectrum and most of us find ourselves somewhere in the middlish zones. If we can ponder our natural leaning to one side or the other, we can cultivate strength, in the opposite direction, to balance our walk through seasons with more resilience and well-being. A working model of balance to guide you here might look like experiencing the benevolence of a higher power while still accepting your own free will.

Human relationships and the emotions behind them take a toll on us all. It is human to want to share our lives with those around us. Sometimes, the expectations we have about this can create more tension on our tightrope line though. On one hand, the desire for empathy and shared experiences builds deeper connections and emotional support. Having someone who understands your emotions can bring great comfort, whether you feel happy or sad. Unfortunately, we have all felt the pain of being misunderstood, uncelebrated, or dismissed in these relationships as well. It's essential to remember that each person's experiences, perspectives, and emotional landscapes are unique. Expecting others to fully grasp the intricacies of your pain or joy may lead to disappointment, as no one can truly step into your shoes and feel exactly as you do. Guiding balance here feels like enjoying many deep meaningful relationships where you feel understood in different ways, alongside a deeper relationship with something bigger and ultimately loving and accepting of you.

Attempting to manage the influence of the culture around you can also set one over the tipping point. Constantly comparing oneself to others or living solely by one's own expectations can each have consequences. Measuring ourselves against external benchmarks can breed discontent and anxiety, making it challenging to find genuine happiness. Alternatively, measuring our achievements, appearances, or success without considering how it affects those around us, risks damaging relationships and fostering a sense of self-centeredness. While setting one's standards and values is important for personal growth, it's equally vital to be mindful of how our choices and behaviors impact the people we interact with. Finding a set of higher truths or universal ethics can create a balance between self-determination and empathy, allowing for well-being.

The sway between control, sharing, and influence significantly affects our ability to enjoy life. Finding systems to be balancing poles through the journey is helpful. They enable us to pursue our goals and values while fostering meaningful connections with others. Ultimately, finding contentment in life rests in the delicate equilibrium between self-fulfillment and the influence on the world around us. You have made it this far in life, and there is no doubt you have found a few balancing poles of your own. Are they helping you to cultivate true and lasting contentment? Is it time to trade some out?

Anxiety: Meet the Background Singers

Anxiety: Background Singers

Anxiety is a word I hear probably 30 times a day, and not always or even mostly from my clients. It has come to mean a myriad of things. The shortlist includes an emotional state of fear, apprehension, stress, restlessness, and a general state of unsettled. This is in no way comprehensive. Anxiety is both a state and a trait, meaning that it is a way of being and a place we pass through in our days. Since anxiety holds such a big place in our lives here's a place to cover some of its contributing factors.

First up, is the easiest to treat. Low protein consumption. When our bodies are not getting adequate protein intake anxiety spikes. It makes sense when you think about it. Of course, if your physiology is not receiving the nutrition it needs to be able to function it is going to freak out. This sends you spiraling. Hello, anxiety! Shooting for 30 grams of protein in your breakfast can reduce anxiety by up to 60%. Can you believe such a simple and nearly free protocol exists?

Next, we are on the topic of nutrition and anxiety. It's worth noting that sugar and caffeine consumption top the list as well. In today's world, it is so easy to consume way more than the recommended 24g of sugar a day. Same for caffeine. Many people actually metabolize caffeine at a very slow rate, indicating that they should stay under 100 mg per day. That is equivalent to a cup of black coffee. Even fast metabolizers should limit caffeine to around 300mg per day. One latte, a soda, and maybe a glass of tea each day could be escalating your anxiety in a creeping in the background way.

Blood sugar regulation is next on the list, and it's an easy add-on. If you are consuming your protein intake and limiting your sugar you are well on your way. More and more evidence suggests a relationship between mood and blood sugar, or glycemic, highs and lows. If you find yourself getting hangry before meals or sleepy after, the chances are high that you could be confusing mental health symptoms of anxiety and a genuine health concern. The brain runs primarily on glucose and enjoys stability. Highs and lows are not its friends. Learning to monitor blood sugar is easy and rewarding once you learn the cues. Check out Glucose Goddess on IG for more tips.

Lastly, my favorite find of the last 3 years. The Slow COMT gene. This answer does involve getting genetic testing done. I used Max Gen Labs, the Works protocol several years ago and it was life-changing. Most genetic testing companies offer the breakdown for this gene though. If you have had anxiety on and off for most of your life, medication does not work, and you cannot find relief from shifting belief work, this is for you. Slow COMT, the worrier gene, is attributed to higher production of neurotransmitters eliciting the anxious response. It also accounts for high levels of memory and intelligence. Not all bad. Specific supplements are available over the counter and provide quick relief for those blessed enough to have this mutation.

Anxiety as a buzzword is here to stay. It is my hope however that none of you find yourself plagued with the ambiguous for longer than needed. Check out these resources and see if you can find some relief outside the office. Happy Healing!

Learning to Regulate

We’ve all been hit by the ups and downs of life. Some of us experience huge emotional waves along with those, and even fewer of us have learned to ride them. Emotions on their own are ineffective. Just like any other of your senses, sight, sound or smell. Emotions without the capability to process are overwhelming data points. We are made to interpret this emotional data. Unfortunately most of us have learned to deny the emotional mind and focus solely on the logical mind. With that, comes the idea  of good and bad  emotions. We begin to think that some feel good, well one feels good, leaving  the rest in the dangerous and ignored category. Imagine only seeing the color pink. Or only responding to the smell of flowers. I think we’d be in some danger. I think we’d find ourselves mismatched and smelling pretty disgusting before long. Emotions are the same way. They are data. Information about what’s moving around  in the psyche. The psyche is the bridge between the internal and external worlds. Therefore, processing and in turn regulation are necessary. 

Emotional regulation starts with emotional identification. I recommend starting with a few basic emotions. Happy. Sad. Mad. Scared. Think of a time when you felt this way. What did it feel like in your body? Where is it? Warm or cold? Tight or loose? 

Now for that feeling and that location together in your mind. When I feel a tight squeezing in my chest I am scared. When I feel a loose warmth in my belly I am happy. Use as many descriptors as you can and be specific about where it lives in you. 

Next is the processing part. Different emotions mean different things.  Sadness is a message from the outside in or from the inside out that something is missing in your life. Anger indicates a root of passion. Fear illuminates danger. Happiness is a sign that things are going the right way today. Now we tie the two together. That emotion you identified in your chest, the tight squeezing, that’s fear. Fear says there is danger somewhere. And with that we begin to regulate.

Regulation means to control or supervise by an external standard. Emotional regulation means that we hold our emotions up to the light of something other than our own selves. For instance, if we recognize we feel that chest squeezing, I’m in danger fear when we enter the grocery store, it’s up to us to decide if this is actually the standard at which we want to live. Is the grocery store  in fact dangerous? Not do “i” think it’s dangerous.  What part feels dangerous? Am I worried about others perceptions of me? Is this truly the standard in which I want to live by? It is through this questioning and answering that we begin to breakthrough the logical mind’s quickly built connections , which often are false, and choose to instead build the person we want to be.  

Once we embrace  the truth and the root, that the store nor the people’s perceptions of me are not dangerous. The emotion will subside within 20 minutes. The data has been collected. We are free to move forward. The 20 minutes inside of that time can be tough however. Letting go of an old belief is hard when a new belief hasn’t had time to set up yet. It’s is in this in between space that coping skills and self care and compassion are necessary. This is the place for deep breathing, for sharing your new narrative with a friend, for self-validation, and grounding. On their own these techniques leave us lacking and wondering what we missed, Dreading the next time the data alarm of emotion goes off.

Emotional regulation is a process that truly has the benefit of giving you highly personalized immediate feedback about you and your relationship to the world around you. A life without emotion is cold and hard. A life without emotional regulation is exhausting and chaotic. Just like with any other skull, learning takes time and practice but has an rewarding payoff. 

On Boundaries

In the journey of personal growth and well-being, the first step I often bring into a client’s awareness is the establishment and maintenance of healthy boundaries. Boundaries are like invisible fences that protect our emotional, physical and mental well-being. They provide us with a framework for healthy relationships, self-care, and personal empowerment. 

Relationships unfortunately can and do exist without boundaries. Perhaps this is the number one driver of people to therapy. Depending on your gender, age, and cultural context maybe you haven’t been familiar with the integration of boundaries in relationship. Maybe you see them as mean, harsh or cruel. Often times it can seem as if boundaries can prevent of us from getting our needs met. At the beginning of this journey we must admit that the ways that we have functioned to get our needs met, although functional at times have resulted in harsh consequences, draining our energy, resources, and self-value. There is an easier way. 

Boundaries benefit us by promoting mutual respect, strengthening self-esteem, maintaining a sense of personal identity, and nurturing healthy connections. Let’s use an example of a neighborhood here. When working functionally it provides a sense of community, camaraderie, and connection. When working dysfunctionally it can be the source of sheer misery. Boundaries make neighborhoods work. Property lines exist to delineate one space from another. They are invisible. They say this is mine, and that is yours. In healthy environments that may be all we need. 

Sometimes though, we aren’t exactly the healthiest, and perhaps the people we are interacting with in the world aren’t at their best. Let’s imagine a neighbor who consistently lets his dog into your yard. At first you may have to remind him of the property line, but when/if the behavior continues you’ll need to do something else. That might look like establishing a stronger boundary.  Imagine you put up a real fence. This is essential to the work of boundaries. You cannot stop your neighbor from letting his dog wander into your yard. You can choose to accept it and learn to live with it, ignore it and grow resentful, or set a boundary. Boundaries are always about what you will or will not do. Boundaries are not about controlling the behaviors of others. 

Along these lines, boundaries are evolving and functional over time. They are not static and unyielding. Perhaps the dog doesn’t bother you so much anymore so you install a doggie door in the fence. Or to the other extreme, maybe the wooden fence wasn’t enough and you need to install an electric fence to ensure your property is protected. As is generally our process as humans, we vacillate between the ditches of the road in our learning until we find the sweet spot of the middle. Don’t be afraid to continuously re-evaluate your boundaries to see if they are working for you. 

Today, I urge you to begin by reflecting on your needs, values and wants. What is life giving right now? What is life draining? Are there places you can begin to establish boundaries in order to improve the quality of your life in this moment?

Nourishment by Intention

This year I started tracking my protein. Way out of my comfort zone and way beyond something I thought I’d ever do. The truth is that I began to realize at the end of the year I was struggling to maintain my energy in order to get all the things on the list done every day. I found myself exhausted, irritable, and pushing the boulder uphill yet again. Something I’m convinced is anti-the-way we are supposed to live life. I am a healthy eater and do my best to get my body the support it needs, so I was stumped at what the issue could be. With a little self-monitoring and a little research, I found out that I should actually be consuming about three times the amount of protein per day in this season of life. My body was trying hard to convert the fruits and vegetables I was giving it into long-term energy, but it simply was not enough to provide what was being asked of it. Wrong key, and the door wouldn’t open. Boulder uphill. Metaphors abound.

Upon reflection, I have thought about other places this is happened to me throughout my life. Sometimes it has been a set of people who I really enjoyed and were good, but weren’t nourishing my soul. Other times, it has been a spiritual discipline that I’ve read was good and helpful for others, but left me feeling exhausted and burnt out. For you, it may be a coping skill learned early in childhood to handle anger, stress, or sadness that just isn’t cutting it anymore. Turns out this is pretty common. It is actually hard to get what you need if you don’t know what you need! I love intuition and following that whole heartedly —AND— I also truly believe that I am excellent at ignoring it when my mind thinks there must be a good or right way to do things. But the body, she doesn’t lie. She shows you exactly what is and isn’t working over time. Boulders…they don’t work for me.

Our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health are interrelated. Affecting one causes the effect on them all. When we consume without intention or value (even if it’s “good”) we often find ourselves inundated with resources that we can’t put to good use. Just like everybody is different and has different requirements at different seasons for physical consumption, we need different values for different seasons. If you have too found yourself stuck at an impasse pouring everything you have into a situation and yet not reaping results it may be time to ask yourself what you really need and what really matters to you. It’s time to get the right nourishment for where you are right now, in this season, regardless of what’s worked in the past or what feels like its supposed to be right. Check out the Core Value Clarity worksheet under workshops in order to download an easy, objective way to figure out what matters to you in this season. Track accordingly ;)

What is Psychotherapy?

Psycho- from the greek psyche meaning, breath, soul, or mind. Therapy from the greek Thera- meaning to minister to or heal. Any other millennials out there being instantly reminded of My Big Fat Greek Wedding?! I love words. I love that words carry such deep profound meanings and I also am amazed at how easily they can roll off of our tongues with no real inclination of what we are speaking.

There has been a push in the therapeutic community over the past 20 years to de-commit from the true meaning. Blame it on managed care, insurance, big Pharma, or maybe even just the hustle culture we’ve all been sucked into that tells you faster is better, efficiency is King, and who you are is defined by what you do or have. Either way, therapy has become synonymous with diagnosis and getting fixed. That however, is not therapy. Never was; by definition therapy is a wellness model. We don’t believe your broken and need to be fixed. No matter what. Do you have some things that aren’t working for you, probably. Is life as simple and concise as you think it ought to be, probably not. Can we walk with you through that? Definitely. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN though. To minister to the soul, is a process, that includes both the peaks and the valleys. It means stepping in real life with you side by side and not hampering your experience by adding unnecessary terminology or quick fixes that keep you from actually learning what you came here to learn.

We believe in the power of real therapy here. You may never receive a diagnosis. We won’t tell you are broken, because you aren’t, but we will honor how hard every step of the process is knowing that you truly have the power to grow exponentially out of every circumstance. We are so grateful for you and this journey.

Empowered

So much of empowerment comes from inner child work & so much of what I’ve learned about how children should be treated comes from my own experience raising littles. Our children really are such great teachers. So this week I thought I’d spend some time musing about ways to help raise empowered children and maybe empower yourself along the way.

First off, children are autonomous beings. I think right away we forget that. We think we name them, we keep them alive, we pick their clothes and food. Plus they look like us and they are biologically predisposed to believe we are the best. So It’s tough to think that they have different ideas, different emotions, and different perspectives than we do. This is the same for you. You are not exactly like any human being. You are your own person with your own thoughts, perspectives, and experiences. If you find yourself trying to fit in and be like them (whoever them is) take a break from that and see if you find some power lurking in that action alone.

Second, children aren’t little adults. Their brains actually work differently than adult brains. Way differently and way less holistically. Children are known for centering things around themselves. It’s how they survive and get their needs met. It’s good and by design, but it’s different.  What’s important to remember here is that when you were a child you thought like a child. That was good, then. But now, it’s time to challenge some of those beliefs. Nobody likes me, or this and this is dangerous, or I’m not good enough  may be beliefs from a time past when a little person was trying to explain their lives in the only way they knew how. Ok then. Not so helpful now.

Lastly, children need choices appropriate for development. Annnddd…..consequences for those choices also appropriate for development. This is not punishment. This is how the world works. No one wants every single aspect of their life controlled. On the other hand, a free for all and a 5 year old are a recipe for disaster. When we allow children to experiment in safe ways with their choices and face the natural outcomes of those we empower them to bold, courageous and full of integrity. Here’s the fun one, you are never going to become an empowered adult if you do not take responsibility for the choices and allow the consequences positive and negative of those choices. When you let yourself fully into it, you become unafraid and take reasonable calculated risks(well things you used to call risks) and will feel so strong each and every time you move through another with every lesson it teaches you.

Get out there. The world needs exactly who you were made to be✨

Higher Ground

You know that thing you really want to do. It’s a big deal. Just thinking about it now gets your heart rate up, if you could conquer it you’d feel so empowered. Then something happens Inside, a small shift that leaves you feeling deflated. All the air has been let out of that balloon and now the thought of this really cool thing now makes you use the same old coping patterns. Maybe you didn’t really want it anyway, or maybe you go back and forth inside your own mind trying to find a way to make it happen in the throws of anxiety ignoring those signaling feelings. 

You’ve hit a barrier. Barriers can be physical, psychological or social, and none are easy. Obviously if you were standing in front of a cliff face and you had to get up it you’d start looking around for tools to help. So much more often though our barriers are invisible. We can’t see what’s stopping us, and in our deflated states we just surmise that there really isn’t a higher place to go. That giving up on that dream is the only option. Oh how sad for us! If only we knew how to asses the cliff face; if only we had tools! We do! 

Take a second now and go back to that thing of yours. Is your cliff face negative self talk, historical pressures, physical challenges? Or are you facing much bigger issues of poverty, inequality or injustice that are leaving you feeling helpless? How can you build resilience, the strengthening of your muscles for the climb, against these things? Has your life already been doing that for you? Who has your back? Who can you count on to lift you higher? Have they been here before giving you a pull or are they searching for a way up too, giving you a supportive push to look for the next handhold? What about your mindset? Are you staring at the ground? Reflecting on last failures? Or do you find yourself in this moment seeking higher ground? 

Trust

You know its funny that the things we’ve done or are doing the most are the things that become what we are least aware of. Trust comes up a lot here at WC. We ask for a lot of it. To trust that we have your best interest at heart through the hard stuff, to trust that you will work deeply and intentionally to bring about the best and highest healing for yourself, to trust that the work will happen as much outside of the four walls of our rooms as it does inside them… a lot of trust happens here. Ironically trust is what drives most people inside our doors as well as what keeps them here. If you are reading this and thinking, I trust no one. I have problems with trust. Trust is hard for me, let me ask you to ask yourself if that’s absolutely true. In my experience we all find trust in something, and generally unless we do the work to uncover it, to expose it for what it is, it stays so hidden, so automatic, so instinctive we don’t even know it theres. Do you not trust or do you not trust good? Have you decided to place your trust in the worst most jarring experience of your life? Have you made up your mind that this represents truth and all else is undeserving of belief? Do you trust the negative words, thoughts, and actions of others while neglecting to hold fast to the far greater reality of its opposition? We all trust. It’s instinctive. Its innate in who we are, just like breathing, what do you trust?

About us here..

Moving through this life well requires intention and purpose. Awareness, good guidance, and insight make the process a whole lot easier. My goal is to create a space where each and every client can journey through their own experiences pulling out tools and life lessons along the way to make each new experience more tolerable as well as more instructive. My approach is strongly based in humanistic theory, Gestalt psychotherapy with a strong emphasis on the neurological work of the Adaptive Integrative Protocol through EMDR.

Lots of time, lots of research, and lots of trials have taught me that the best way to serve you is to let you guide us through your life like a roadmap. If you are dealing with the aftermath of trauma, struggling through tough times currently, or have some big dreams about who and how you want to show up in the world. Book an appointment. we’d love to have you.